


Love Can Get You Down

by Masterweaver



Category: The Owl House (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - The Goose of Enforcement, It's not really an AU that's just the prexisting tag, This is the Boiling Isles did you really expect ordinary soulmate tropes?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-24
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:27:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26572948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Masterweaver/pseuds/Masterweaver
Summary: "I don't get it," Luz admitted, scratching her head. "Exactly how are geese on the Boiling Isles different from the ones on Earth?"Willow replaced her glasses and glanced from the human to the now practically pink Amity, a slow smirk crawling onto her face. "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell--"Amity quickly started pushing the human down the hall. "OH LOOK we'regoingtobelateforclass youdon'twanttogetintotroubleLuz okaylet'sgo itwasniceseeingyouWillow biiiyeeee!"
Comments: 44
Kudos: 283





	1. Wherein Luz Receives No Explanation Whatsoever

It was a beautiful morning, which by the standards of the Boiling Isles really just meant nothing was trying to eat anyone yet. Amity Blight took in a deep breath as she walked up the path to Hexside, smiling brightly and looking over the gathering crowd of her fellow students. It wasn't hard to find who she was looking for, Luz's unique school uniform stood out like a painbow in the night sky (and Amity quickly shoved those memories back, that had _not_ been a fun week). And it looked like she was talking with... well, talking with Willow.

Amity cringed for a moment, before steadying herself. "Easy, Amity. You've sorted out things with Willow... mostly..." Her hands tightened on the straps of her backpack, but she stepped forward nonetheless.

Luz glanced over as she approached. "Oh, hey! Good to see you on your feet again!"

"Yeah, I heal up good," Amity replied, before realizing just how idiotic it made her sound.

"That's good to hear. Wouldn't want your leg healing funky." Luz grinned mischievously. "Could give you two left feet! Eh? Eh?"

"...I... guess?" Amity glanced down at her foot. "I don't think I was hurt _that_ badly..."

Luz shrugged. "I guess you guys don't have that saying..."

"So, uh..." Amity smiled awkwardly. "How have you two been? I mean, I heard there was a bit of an adventure while I was, uh..."

"Convalescing?" Willow suggested.

"Yeah."

Luz looked baffled. "Why would you want to talk to an escalator? Or _on_ an escalator? I mean that makes more _sense,_ but your leg was in a _cast..."_

The confusion on her face was so ~~adorable~~ ridiculous that Amity couldn't help but blush. Out of embarrassment. For her. Because it had to be so embarrassing to not know something so obvious. And that Luz clearly wasn't embarrassed by it was just even more embarrassing _for her_ , and that Willow wasn't embarrassed for her just meant that it was Amity's duty as a _friend_ to take the embarrassment that both Luz and Willow should have been feeling on top of her own sympathetic embarrassment for witnessing this whole fiasco and blush hard enough for all of them! Especially while she stared at Luz whose dang fault this all was anyway--

"Convalesce," Willow repeated helpfully. "It's a fancy word for 'healing up after an injury."

Luz blinked. "Inglés es un idioma muy extraño..." Her eyes shifted toward Amity, and she blinked again. "Uh... You okay there?"

"Uh, yeah, sorry, uh, you... have something!" Amity blurted. "On your face!"

Luz's eyes widened and she backed back rapidly, smacking her face repeatedly. "Get it off, get it off!"

"It's off!" Amity assured Luz quickly, grabbing her before she tripped over the stairs. "It's off! It, uh, flew over there!" She pointed in a random direction.

"Smooth," Willow said, low enough that Amity was sure Luz couldn't hear.

Luz looked off in the vague direction for a moment, before shrugging off her close encounter with nothing. "Well, thanks anyway Amity."

"It's not a problem," Amity assured her with a smile. And when Luz smiled back, she felt her bile sac starting to squeeze around her heart--

Taking a deep breath, she steadied herself before she started glowing. That would have been embaressing.

"Sooooooo." Amity kicked the ground. "Adventure..."

"Oh yeah! Well, you see, it started when I decided to steal the Healing Hat for Eda--"

An oddly squeaky honk pierced the air, and unbidden all three of the students turned their eyes toward the source--a burgeoning white waterfowl with a beak as orange as its feet and beady black eyes.

Luz tilted her head. "Huh. Didn't know the boiling isles had geese. So anyway, like I was saying--"

With a menacing GRNNAAANUNNK the feathery beast charged at them, eyes locked on Amity. She didn't even think, summoning a massive purple hand of goop to slam the bird into the ground. Or, well, attempt to--it flapped into the air moments before the hand could hit it.

A number of students across the courtyard turned to look at the commotion, gasping and whispering among themselves. Willow, slowly, gave Amity a look and rose a single eyebrow.

"I'd ask if that was an overreaction, but I know enough about the Boiling Isles now to assume it isn't," Luz noted. "So... should we head inside?"

"That's a great idea let's do that." Amity snagged Luz's arm as she sprinted for the doors of Hexside, slamming them shut just as Willow joined them inside.

"Uh... Amity?"

"I don't know why that goose was following me!"

Luz blinked at the blatant denial. "That... wasn't what I was going to ask."

"Good," Amity declared. "Because I have no idea. And it wasn't following me, it was following Willow."

Willow took off her glasses and casually began cleaning them. "I will accept this lie, for the moment."

Her unspoken threat of later vengeance went unheard by Luz, who was still giving Amity a concerned look. "I'm just worried that you're running so soon after your leg healed up. I mean, it's not still tender or anything?"

"Uh..." Amity blushed, for herself this time. "I mean it hurts a little, but... better in here, safe from the goose, right?"

"I don't get it," Luz admitted, scratching her head. "Exactly how are geese on the Boiling Isles different from the ones on Earth?"

Willow replaced her glasses and glanced from the human to the now practically pink Amity, a slow smirk crawling onto her face. "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell--"

Amity quickly started pushing the human down the hall. "OH LOOK we'regoingtobelateforclass youdon'twanttogetintotroubleLuz okaylet'sgo itwasniceseeingyouWillow biiiyeeee!"

Luz glanced back in bewilderment. "Oh okay, we're doing _this_ now."

"What do you mean?"

"The thing where I stumble on some embarrassing Boiling Isles tradition that you don't want to talk about so you try to distract me from asking questions by pushing me down a hall to class."

Amity rolled her eyes, still shoving. "Congrats, you get a gold star. Does this happen often in the human world?"

Luz shrugged, almost falling off Amity's hands. "Eh, it's a cliché trope."

"Well, we're at your class now, so let's not talk about it anymore!"

"Hey Amity," greeted Skara with a happy smile. "I heard about the goose!"

"Wha-- _how?!"_ Amity gestured out the door. "It happened less than a _minute_ ago!"

"Bard track," Skara pointed out simply.

"But--but--!"

Luz stepped between the two of them, holding up her hands. "Okay, okay, let me clear some things up here. That was an Earth goose. It followed Eda through the portal to the human world, I fed it because I thought it looked cute, and it's been chasing me ever since. So whatever you're thinking the goose is doing, I can promise it doesn't breathe fire or whatever geese on the Boiling Isles do, it's just a bird."

"Oh." Skara narrowed her eyes at Luz for a moment... before breaking out into a broad smile. "Okay! I'll pass that along!"

"Yes, yes, this is all very cute," the teacher deadpanned, "but if you aren't all in your seats by the time the bell rings I WILL make today a lecture about the Marrow Mines!"

Amity watched Skara go back to her seat. "Uh... thanks, Luz."

"Not a problem, Amity."

"I wasn't joking," the teacher deadpanned.

"Oop!" Luz jumped forward, swinging into her seat. "Sorry professor Memorial!"

Amity shook her head with a small grin. Then she checked the clock, blanched, and rushed down the hall to her own classroom.


	2. In Which The Clawthornes Spork The Idea Of Soulmates Entirely

"Hey kiddo," Eda greeted casually, not looking away from the mass of tentacles she was battling back into a cauldron. "How was school today?"

Luz shrugged off her backpack, putting it on the couch and snatching up a broom as she joined her mentor. "Fine, mostly."

"Mostly?"

"Well..." Luz shrugged, jabbing the handle of her broom into a squamous eyeball and eliciting a screech of pain. "There was this goose that started chasing Amity around. She got really weird about it--"

Eda burst out laughing. "She's got a goose? Oh that's--hey Lilith!" she shouted up the stairs. "Your protege's got a goose!"

The dark-haired witch rushed down, just barely remembering to compose herself before she descended the final step. "Really now? That's wonderful!"

Luz looked from one sister to the other, narrowing her eyes suspiciously. "I know this is a Boiling Isles thing, but is it a good thing?"

"Oh yeah, geese here are special. I'd tell you about it but..." Eda kicked back a roaring fang-filled mouth. "...little busy right now."

"I can tell her," Lilith offered.

"You sure? I mean I know you're still kinda..."

Lilith huffed. "It's just talking," she deadpanned. "Besides, it's safer than... whatever it is you two are doing now."

Eda conceded the point with a shrug and a bash of a tentacle. "Don't worry about me, kid, I'll be done here in a jiffy."

Luz backed out of range of the wriggling appendages, carefully leaning the broom against a wall and sitting down on the couch. "So...."

"So." Lilith sat down next to her, clearing her throat. "Long, long ago, there was a kind and loving king, with a kind and loving queen, and they were happily and lovingly married. They were so lovingly married, in fact, that one day the king decided that everyone in his kingdom should be able to enjoy the deep bond of love a good marriage provides."

"Ooog." Luz cringed. "Yeah, I can think of more than a few people who might not like that idea."

"Yes, well, he was a _king,"_ Lilith pointed out, "and it's hard to say no to a king. But he was at least a little bit intelligent, so he set about crafting a spell that would be able to match one to their perfect, balanced soulmate. It took him months--some versions say years--but by all accounts, _that_ part of the spell was a complete success."

"And then he tried to figure out how to get everyone together without wasting time and money on decrees or marriage services," Eda added between tentacle bashes. "And that's where the real trouble started."

"On the eve of casting the spell for the first time, the king gathered his power and let it spread across his lands," Lilith intoned, spreading her hands dramatically. "And upon waking, the citizens each found a red string tied to their finger, whose other end was tied to the one most befitting."

"Everyone spent two hours of tripping over stuff and getting tangled in knots." Eda kicked back a nose with beaks in its three nostrils. "Eventually they just cut themself free and the king went back to the drawing board after that."

"A month later, on the second eve of casting," Lilith continued, "the magic spread, and everyone found the first thing their soulmate would say to them written upon their palm."

Eda snorted. "Lot of it was ordinary junk like 'Hello!' and 'Watch where you're going!' Not all that helpful."

"Another month passed, and a third time the king enchanted the realm, so each pair would have a matching image emblazoned on their skin, leading them to their beloved."

"So of course everybody started complaining about their hideous new tattoos," Eda explained, her hair was dragged along the floor of the living room by the monstrosity in the kitchen.

"I'm beginning to detect a pattern," Luz observed thoughtfully.

Lilith chuckled, counting off on her finger. "The fourth attempt was a song that would play when you got close to your partner."

"Too distracting for everyone!" Eda shouted.

"The fifth would leave partners feeling whatever pain the other did."

"And that's how masochism was invented!"

"Maso what now?" Luz asked.

Eda cringed as she was slammed against the ceiling. "You're fourteen, right?"

"Yeah."

"I may be a corruptive influence, but I'm not _that_ kind of corruptive influence."

"Ask again when you're sixteen," Lilith advised.

"Eighteen!" Eda corrected quickly, bracing herself against the door frame as the tentacles tried to drag her back into the kitchen. "Age of consent is eighteen for humans!"

Lilith quirked an eyebrow. "Oh. I did not know that. Alright then, where were we... Ah! The sixth attempt, my personal favorite: Hanahaki."

Luz frowned. "The fictional disease where the one with unrequited love grows flowers in their longs and coughs up petals until they either confess or die?"

"Well, it's fictional _now,_ thanks to vaccinations," Lilith allowed. "But the corpses were always very pretty and the citizens hung them up as decorations."

"I mean yeah, that makes sense, but I get the impression that's not what the king was aiming for."

"He was pretty frustrated near the end of it all," the witch agreed. "So for his final attempt... he went to the human world and got a flock of geese."

"Geese?"

"Yes." Lilith nodded. "Geese. Whenever they saw somebody who wasn't with their soulmate yet, they'd chase them until the two were together."

Luz nodded slowly. "So... that goose that was chasing Amity around--"

"--knows she's met her soulmate and hasn't admitted her feelings yet," Lilith confirmed.

"Oh that's--" Luz began with a smile, before frowning for a moment. "I... actually kinda have mixed feelings about that. I mean, hooray, Amity has somebody she likes, but oh no, she's being forced to confront them when she's not comfortable with them. And also, there's a goose chasing her. Geese can be terrifying." She shuddered. "The videos I've seen on the internet..."

Lilith smiled, patting her hand gently. "Amity's a talented witch, Luz. And she has talented friends. I'm sure she'll be able to hold off the goose long enough to gather the courage to confess to her soulmate."

Luz frowned at her. "You're still not really good at this reassuring business, are you?"

That got a huff out of the witch. "Well, I suppose she could handle the situation the same way Edalyn did."

The human stared at her in shock. "Hold on, a goose came for Eda?"

"Yes."

"Eda," Luz repeated, unbelieving.

"Yes."

 _"Eda._ Troublemaker extraordinaire of Hexside Academy, master garbage grifter, fending off countless ex-boyfriends, _most wanted witch on the boiling isles_ Eda."

Lilith's amused grin didn't fade in the slightest. "Yes. Edalyn Clawthorne once got chased by a soulmate goose."

"I just... wow." Luz stared at the final explosion coming out of the kitchen door for a moment, before shaking her head. "I'm almost afraid to ask... but what _happened?"_

"Oh that's simple kiddo." Eda strolled into the room, twirled her staff, and slammed it down with a fanged smirk. "I ate it."


	3. Whereby Amity Cunningly Derives A Solution To Her Problem

"She did _what?!"_

Luz shrugged. "She said she ate it."

Amity disbelievingly rested her head in her hand. "I mean, yeah, the goose is, like, extremely aggravating, but... eating it? _Eating_ it?"

"I mean, she didn't eat it raw." Luz frowned. "I... don't think... maybe she did? I guess it's _possible_ with her curse, but... it'd be rude to just bring up the question."

"Eating a goose..." Amity stared at the table. "Eating..."

Willow narrowed her eyes. "Amity."

"Huh?"

"Amity, please tell me you're not thinking what I think you're thinking."

"I'm not thinking what you think I'm thinking."

"Okay, now tell me that without lying."

Amity huffed. "I'm not... _seriously_ considering it." She smiled awkwardly. "I mean, just as a thought exercise--"

Willow adjusted her glasses. "So let me get this gay: you are considering in hypothetical hunting down this goose, killing it, plucking its feathers and cleaning the corpse, putting the body into an oven for two to three hours, as well as preparing some rice and vegetables on the side, simply because you are too frightened to take the much easier to accomplish route of admitting your feelings to your crush?"

Luz cleared her throat. "...straight." At Willow's look, she clarified. "It's 'let me get this straight.' You said 'let me get this gay.'"

"Did I?" She smiled innocently. "How very silly of me."

Amity shot her a quick glare, but the awkward smile returned to her face when Luz turned back to her. "Look, all I'm saying is the goose is going to be an issue if I don't deal with it, and... you know, this seems like a solution! It's not like my soulmate will stop _being_ my soulmate if the goose is killed, aaaaaand I can figure out how to admit my feelings without being chased by a deranged murderbird! Why not get a free meal out of it?"

Luz leaned back, rubbing her chin in contemplation. "On the one hand, this feels like a very blatant attempt to avoid addressing your emotional state and the unspoken fears that an attraction to somebody you know seems to inflict on any number of people. On the other, there's free food involved..." She hummed thoughtfully. "Free food _is_ tempting."

"Do you even know how to cook a goose?" Willow asked.

Amity snorted. "No. Do _you?"_

"Yes, actually." Willow shrugged. "Learning to pluck and prepare a bird is one of the first lessons in the Plant Magic Track."

"...Oh." Amity chuckled awkwardly. "See, I was going to lead into 'I'll kill it and then give it to the family chef' but, you know, I'm realizing now that if I do that my parents will have questions--"

"Wait." Luz gave Willow a confused look. "How is 'learning to pluck and prepare a bird' at all related to plant magic?"

"Sometimes we need to feed the plants." Willow shrugged. "I mean, technically they can eat birds raw, but the ones here at school are pretty docile and... picky. Better to feed them right the first time than risk getting your hair eaten."

Luz stared at her, mouth agape. "...Well! That answers my question _and_ a few I didn't ask."

Amity cleared her throat, leaning back. "So... hypothetically, if I killed this goose, could I maybe hand it off to you to prepare for consumption?"

"Hypothetically," Willow replied, "but preparing a bird is actually an intense in-depth thing, and like Luz said this does feel like you're avoiding a perfectly good relationship."

"I'm not ready for a perfectly good relationship!"

Luz nodded seriously. "Having a stupid teenage romance that ultimately falls apart does seem like a standard method of character development."

"...Luz, this isn't a fantasy novel," Willow pointed out. "This is real life."

Luz gave her a look. "And where is Gus today?"

"He had to stay home because he's got pyropox."

"I rest my case."

Amity cringed. "Ooog. I remember when I had pyropox. Spending three days in the freezer was no fun."

"Most of us don't have a walk-in freezer," Willow reminded her. "Gus is stuck in a bathtub full of ice cream." Seeing Luz's intrigued look, she sighed and added "Which he cannot _eat_ because his pyropox is covering it in blasting bile."

"Ah," said Luz sagely.

"You have no idea what pyropox is," Amity pointed out.

Luz smirked. "Nope!"

A small smile graced Amity's face. "Well, here's hoping humans can't catch it."

Willow looked at Luz, at Amity, at Luz again, at Amity, and then buried her face in her hands. "I was right, this isn't a fantasy novel. It's a two-star sitcom."

"Hey now!" Luz snapped. "It's four stars, at the least!"

"Right..." Willow cleared her throat. "Anyway, while I _can_ cook a goose, I don't know if I would _want_ to."

"I can pay you."

Willow gave Amity a flat look.

"I mean..." The witch shrugged awkwardly. "Not that, uh, I see your assistance as only material... or anything like that. I just... uh..."

Luz brought her hands together. "How about this: If Willow prepares and cooks a goose dinner for Amity, Amity agrees to confess her feelings to her soulmate sometime in the next... two months?"

Willow side-eyed her warily. "Why two months?"

"That's when my mom expects me home," Luz explained. "You know, back in the human world? I mean we'll still keep in touch and all, but I kind of want to be there in person to support Amity when she finally makes her move."

"...huh." Willow lowered her glasses and shot Amity a wry grin. "That _is_ a ticking clock, isn't it?"

"I mean this is still all purely hypothetical," Amity pointed out as she most definitely didn't blush. "I guess I could tolerate the goose's presence for a bit. It's just a bird, after all, it can't possibly be that bad."

Luz raised her hand and, one by one, started curling in her fingers. When only the index finger remained, she pointed to the left--where Emira Blight now happened to be standing.

"Hey mittens! So... hey..."

Amity sighed. "The goose broke something I liked, didn't it."

"I mean, we can always get you another sword..."

Luz blinked. "How can a _goose_ break a _sword?_ Also, _why_ do you have a wait nevermind that's a dumb question."

"...You know what? This is no longer hypothetical." She turned to Willow with a serious expression. "You in?"

Willow folded her hands together beneath her gleaming glasses. "I will agree to Luz's terms."

"Oh. Uh..." Amity's eyes darted between her and the human for a few seconds. "...Good! I agree to the terms too!"

"Free food and eventual heartwarming moments!" Luz cheered. "It's the best of both worlds!"

"In more ways than one."

"What was that?"

"I said this will be fun!" Amity repeated quickly.

Emira looked at her, then at Luz, then at her again. "Oooooooooooh--"

"Ah ah ah." Willow held up a finger. "I'm already on it."

"...If you're sure, but we're talking later."

Willow's returning smile was sly and dangerous. "Oh, if you _insist..."_


	4. The Way Willow Decides To Amuse Herself

Amity clutched the jagged dagger thrust through her belt ribbon, eyes darting left and right as she prowled round the school. Luz, beside her, was half hunched, her own uniform's sleeves pushed up to their elbows while she wrapped her hands tightly around a broom handle. Willow sauntered behind them casually, hands thrust into her pockets.

"It's still here," Amity growled. "I can sense it."

Luz nodded seriously.

Then she frowned. "Wait, like, metaphorically sense it or do you actually have a magic goose-sensing spell up?"

"First one," Amity said seriously.

"Got it," Luz replied, just as seriously.

Willow surreptitiously cast a painting on her scroll, smiling at the absolutely serious image of the pair seriously stalking around the school for a serious hunt. "You know, it could take hours for the goose to show itself," she pointed out. "Days. Maybe even, gasp, weeks."

Amity turned to her with a flat look. "Saying gasp doesn't work if you do it deadpan. You have to exaggerate it if you want to be sarcastic."

Willow twirled her hand as she genuflected. "I bow before your superior knowledge of snark and sass."

"Focus girls." Luz's eyes darted left and right. "We can't let the goose escape because we were busy bantering."

"Hey, maybe you can fool the goose into leaving Amity alone if you make out with her!"

Amity glowered at Willow. "You're enjoying yourself, aren't you."

"Immensely."

Luz rolled her eyes. "I doubt that Amity making out with some random girl is going to convince a magic soulmate-sensing goose that she's overcome her hesitation."

"Yes, this is logical," Amity agreed.

"Besides, I'm a terrible kisser."

Amity nodded for a moment, and then balked. "Wait, how the heck do you _know_ that?"

Luz cringed. "Yeah, I kinda had a boyfriend... for two weeks... when I was ten..."

Willow crossed her arms. "So you weren't even a teenager, you went with a default, and I'm guessing you were just following what you saw on CV?"

"That summer camp was weird, okay?"

"I mean, it's been four years," Amity pointed out. "You could have become a much better kisser."

Luz blinked. "...what, without practice?"

"The only way to find out is to test it," Willow pointed out, casually leaning against the wall of Hexside. "Of course, it can't possibly be me who does the testing."

"...why not?"

"The full explanation is long, technical, and would embarrass some people here." Willow grinned, gesturing at the other witch. "But hey, Amity might be willing to do some science."

"OH LOOK," Amity cried with relief, "there's the goose!"

Instantly Luz raised her broom, charging at the white bird with a wild battle cry. "¡ENFRENTA MI IRA, PLUMOSO HERALDO DE MOMENTOS INCÓMODOS!"

Amity blinked. "...what... I don't even... wha?"

Willow shrugged. "I've heard worse battle cries."

"I mean, yeah, but--"

"Also the goose is biting Luz's nose."

"OH NO!" Amity ran forward, casting a wave of abomination goop and surfing toward the fight. "GET YOUR BEAK OFF MY uh COMPLETELY PLATONIC BUT STILL AWESOME FRIEND!"

Willow snorted to herself. "Oh, sure, that's totally convincing..."

Luz gasped as Amity tore the bird from her face. "Ow ow ow I thought birds didn't have teeth ow ow ow--"

The goose honked indignantly as it was tossed aside, but Amity ignored it to look at the other girl's face. "Oh my gosh are you okay I knew I should have done this on my own we've got to get you to a healing chamber--"

"Hey hey hey, it's okay! It's just a little scratch on a very sensitive part of my face, and geese aren't venomous." Luz frowned. "I think, anyway. I'm pretty sure they're not venomous. Can birds be venomous on the boiling isles?"

"Oh god don't die Luz I haven't even--"

"She's not going to die!" Willow shouted. "Soulmate geese aren't venomous! They don't even have teeth!"

Luz shot her a glare, pointing at her face. "MY NOSE BEGS TO DIFFER!"

"They have serrated beaks, not teeth, it's different." Willow cringed. "Technically."

"SQRUAAAANK!" growled the goose, lowering its head and flourishing its wings menacingly.

"Luz, go have Willow patch you up," Amity commanded.

"She's in the plant track, not the healing track--"

"But she knows some healing, right?!"

Luz batted away the charging goose with her broom. "Look, if you're doing the 'I can't let you get hurt this is my fight' thing, I _did_ fight Emperor Belos."

"That doesn't--wait." Amity tilted her head. "Seriously?"

"Yeah, it was this whole epic duel to save Eda." Luz gave her an awkward smile. "You didn't... hear about that on the news?"

"I thought you just pulled some crazy heist or something! I didn't think you actually fought the most powerful witch on the Boiling Isles!"

"I didn't fight Eda!"

Amity gave her a flat look, absently reaching behind her and grabbing the divebombing goose by its neck. "I meant the Emperor."

"Oh, well, yeah."

"...You fought the Emperor."

"Mmmmmyes."

"You..." Amity turned to Willow, gesturing with her goose-occupied hand. "She fought the Emperor."

Willow shrugged helplessly. "She's the luckiest numbskull on the Boiling Isles."

"Um, I'm not a numbskull," Luz objected, grabbing the goose's flailing feet. "I came up with a whole glyph system workaround to cast spells without having that whole bile sac of magic, remember?"

"I... I have no words." Amity stared at Luz. "You fought the Emperor. And you're still alive. And you're fourteen. Just... I don't even know what to say, here."

"For somebody who has no words you sure are talking a lot."

"Luz, I don't think you get how impossible this situation is."

"Are we, or are we not, holding a struggling goose that is threatening to reveal your secret crush with the intent of killing and eating said goose using that ritual dagger you're holding?"

Amity looked at the goose. Then at the dagger. Then at Luz.

"...Yes," she admitted, "but that's normal."

Luz gave her a flat look.

"...I mean it's a little unusual, but it's mostly normal."

The look continued to remain flat.

"...Here," Amity clarified. "It's mostly normal--you know what? You're from another world, so of course you surviving a fight with the Emperor--"

 _"Winning_ a fight."

Amity blinked. "You are--you're kidding, right?"

"Eda's not a statue, and nobody died. I'd call that a win."

"I--I mean, sure, yeah, but..." Amity gestured with her dagger helplessly. "But, the Emperor!"

Luz smirked. "How about I tell you all about it over some fresh-cooked goose?"

"...okay, yeah, I can agree to that." With a shrug, Amity chopped through the goose's throat--and then sighed. "Right. Blood. And this was a new shirt... I'm going to need to change."

Willow opened her mouth--

"Change _shirts!"_ Amity pointed her dagger at her warningly. "I need to change _shirts!"_

\--and shut it, raising her hands with a conceding grin.


End file.
